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Bilateral Intravenous Reprocessing for Acute Morning-After Syndrome: A Seven-Arm Randomized Controlled Trial of Drip Laterality, Drip Tempo, and Prosecco
Zhdanov VG, Belozertseva LP, Secretariat WCFAS.
International Journal of Drip-Assisted Sobriety. 2026;7(3):211-229.
Bilateral cadence arms (3, 4) were non-inferior to constant-rate saline and indistinguishable from each other (Δregret = 0.1, p = 0.91); the 3-2-1, 2-1 rhythm reprocessed nothing the liver was not already processing. Regret fell identically across all infused arms over time, tracking arm 5 almost exactly (R² = 0.97), implying the active ingredient was lying horizontally attached to a beeping pole while someone fussed over you. The Prosecco arm reported the lowest regret at hour 8 and the highest everything-else by hour 16.
PMID: 82360321 · Cited by 5,310 ·Randomized Controlled Trial